Sometimes I wonder if I am boring. I know I am an introvert and happy in my own company. But am I boring? I do not drink and go out clubbing. I do not have one night stands. I am no longer in my twenties but does that mean I am boring?
I wonder if the mundane is just too normal sometimes. I have spent a lot of time travelling, meeting people, going out but in the last couple of years I have slowed things down. I have had to for my own sake.
Being constantly busy and on the go was taking its toll and I was exhausted. Somehow I thought I had to stay busy. I am not sure what I was scared would happen if I stopped but I had to be dong something.
Now I have slowed life down and I enjoy it. But then I get that doubt sneaking in, that fear creeping up. Telling me I need to do something, I need to be busy. I feel guilt I am not helping someone or giving back to the world.
As the weekend approaches colleagues ask what I am up to. I used to dread the question if I did not have something exciting to say. Now my response is usually chilling out and taking the dog for a walk.
Friends tell me I am still a busy person and maybe to them I am. Yet to me this is going slow. Between podcasting, working, family, friends and the dog maybe I am busier than I think. Maybe this is the last of my guilt for taking the time to self-care?
I think of the people around me and I actually do not want to be at the club/bar or making obligatory visits to family members. It has been a journey finding out what I want to do. Maybe I just need to stay true to it and accept my life in this mental world.
My life in a mental world 
Short post but a powerful one, my friend.
I especially resonated with the line “making obligatory visits to family members” – I will no longer do that with my husband’s family because they’re a bunch of selfish assholes!!!! There. I said it. So much for forgiveness, compassion, etc. I know I should focus on that but I cannot be around these toxic waste dumps. Their actions have made me sick. I’m staying the hell away from them.
My husband will be okay with it if I pass on a future get-together; I just can’t tell him it’s because they are a-holes.
As for my brother and his wife, we are reconnecting, but I haven’t jumped at the chance to make plans with them even though he texted me about it last week. I feel like being with the whole family is a “have to” and it’s not a “want to” type of thing, although if I’m only with my brother, that’s way more appealing. We shall see…
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It is so hard to accept that family can be toxic and it’s ok to say no to them. But I’ve been trying. My sister is planning an Easter thing and I’d rather spend time with people who care and know me. I’m so glad your husband can understand too.
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